Why nursing?

"Why do you want to be a nurse?" This is a question a student nurse really has to have a good answer to. My answer got me into uni, earned the respect of my mentors, and even impressed a doctor! It is a question I have thought long and hard about. I didn't dream about it as a child, or even give it a second thought during my teens. Early adulthood saw my dreams turn to ashes, and I was left clutching a baby. A baby who nearly killed me.

I remember that evening like it was yesterday, I was scared. So very scared. I'm sure your first reaction is that I was frightened of motherhood or birth, but it was neither. I was scared of dying. I wrote a letter to my mum and dad, to my boyfriend, and to my baby. The midwife told me it would be ok, that she would take care of me. And she did.

On the last push, out flew my 9lb 10 baby boy. As I cried and reached out to him, he was whisked away from me. I thought there was something wrong with him. I stared anxiously to where they took him, but when i looked at my boyfriends face I realised what was wrong. He was as white as a sheet staring at me. As I looked down I saw a pool of blood, and when i looked up I saw the midwife. She cupped her hands round my face and said "Its going to be alright ok? just keep with me" and on that she hit the panic button and began scooping the blood with her hands into a kidney dish, whilst instructing and anxious student to push down as hard as she could on my tummy. Suddenly there was a room full of people, 2 scooping up the blood, 1 pushing on my tummy, another setting up drips, and a doctor anxiously chewing on his pen. As i watched the blood pouring out of me, i gradually felt myself slipping away. The room grew dark, and the voices began to fade. "Don't you let go, fight with me Julianne, come on fight!" she said. And for a second or two I didn't want to, It felt peaceful slipping away. But then I remembered the blood on her hands, her selflessness, how she was determined to take care of me. So I fought back. Battling to keep my eyes open I heard someone say that they had got the bleed. The bleeps and alarms stopped sounding, and the cuff on my arm stopped squeezing. The nurses stopped scooping, and the doctor stopped chewing his pen.

Looking up at the midwife, I didn't need to ask why she became a nurse. It was all there in her eyes. She had made a positive difference to someones life. She had encouraged and supported me, she had given me medication that had saved my life. She had scooped my blood up with her own hands. She had spoke words that made me fight for my life. She did it because she liked being on the front line, and didn't mind doing the messy jobs. Her calm voice informed her colleagues all they needed to know about me. Her watchful eye noticed my blood pressure dropping before the bleeping alarm. She wanted to care for the whole person, not just a condition. That was the doctors job. And from that moment I knew I wanted to be a nurse.

I want to make that difference. That difference can be made in small often unnoticed ways such as an extra blanket, or a drink of water. It can be touching a mothers arm and a reassuring smile as she watches her child be taken to theatre. It can be cleaning up vomit and feces, or scooping up blood in your hands. It can be administering life saving care.

However big or small I want to make that difference. I know how it feels to be nursed and I want to nurse back. And wherever this career takes me, I hope that I never forget why I am doing this. For knowing why, is what will make me the nurse I want to be.