One night at the movies long ago...

How often do we go to the cinema with family after we reach the age of 16? I don't just mean the odd mother and daughter trip to see the latest Romantic comedy, or a mum taking the kids to see a Disney Pixar. Its a rare thing I'm sure. But when it does happen, its bound be memorable for good or bad reasons. For me, one night at the movies in late Decemeber 1997, was a night I will never forget.

James Cameron's Titanic. If there ever was a film that could appeal to all ages, this was it. Mum didn't often go to the cinima, but she kept up to date with what was showing. For her a good film consisted of a traditional tried and tested romantic plot, complete with love, tragedy, and an obligatory sex scene. Leo and Kate looked good to go, so she announced that she wanted to be taken. Now usually this is the husbands job, but my dad never could see the point of the cinema. He liked old films which were always played in abundance on tele, and if they wasn't he would buy the video. Mum never went out much, so he enjoyed a rare oppotunity to hog the tele and be on in his own company when she went. This left mum in the capable hands of my God Father Bill, who had loved my mother since he met her as a young woman. Lonely, unmarried, and like a second father to me, he was invited to share in everything the family did. He gladly took mum to the cinima when ever she wanted to go, dressed in a suit, and smelling of 'Old Spice' aftershave. As usual he jumped at the chance to take her. 

It turned out that mum hadn't mentioned what she was going to see, because I was talking to dad just before she went out. "Titanic? now I would have liked to see that" he said. "Why don't you join them?" I said. So he agreed and went to put on his suit. 

I was smiling at this suit business, getting suited and booted for the cinema? No man had ever put on a suit to take me to the cinema. "Why don't you get dressed up to take me to the pictures then?" I asked my fiancée who was lounging lazily in an old pair of tracksuit bottoms next to me. "Don't you love me just the way I am?" he said. "No. Go and get scrubbed up. your taking me to see titanic tonight." I said. And that was that, amazingly he did what he was told! (it was early on in our relationship, he was still eager to please) 

As for me, I quite fancied Titanic. I'm not usually a fan of huge budget, over hyped stuff, but Leo is nice to look at, and I was intrigued as to whether it really was gonna be as good as it was hyped up to be. Besides, I had just discovered I was pregnant. At just 18, I was a little shaken up with this discovery. An evening out with my family would do me good. 

So there we all were, Me, My Fiancée, Mum, Dad, and Bill. All sat in the front row cause that's what mum liked. I was in the middle, with a huge box of sweet popcorn. Mum sat on my left, with a huge supply of sweets. Mum is one of them people who have to eat constantly through a film, munching, sucking, and rustling sweets wrappers. . She is a compulsive sweet passer, you know the type. 

They pass up the line, then back again. 5 mins later it happens again. If you say no, they get offered again on the next round. Say no twice, and she will rummage around producing another kind to try and tempt you. It went on until dad got frustrated and announced “No I do not want a sweet. Not now, not later. If I change my mind I’ll tell you.” Mum sulked for a bit. A few minutes later Bill cheered her up by saying “ooooh chocolate éclairs, I’ll have one of those!”  Matt my fiancé sat the other side of me, and next to him my dad. I smiled to myself; it was nice sat there between all these people who loved me. With my unborn baby inside me, and a shiny new engagement ring on my finger, I sighed with contentment.

Now to understand how I feel about Titanic, I must first explain how I feel about films. I am absorbed by films, watching a film is an intense emotional experience. I am the type that laughs hysterically, and cry’s just as hysterically in the cinema. I experience everything. I jump out of my seat when something unexpected happens, and often feel depressed for hours after a sad ending. It is for that reason that I shy away from anything to emotionally draining or depressing. Let’s face it, so many of the big blockbusters these days are full of tragedy and so called excitement. I watch them if I'm persuaded enough, but It’s a stressful experience! For a light evenings entertainment I stick to Romantic comedies. Titanic for me was amazing and awful all at once. It was made emotionally bearable by the dream scene at the end where Rose rejoins Jack on the staircase. I wasn’t to realise then, but I will never forget that night at the movies. It was to be a hugely significant night, for many reasons.

The first was the romance of Jack and Rose. 

Who can look at this picture and not believe they were completely and utterly in love? Oh how I craved that feeling, sat there in that cinema. I loved Matt, but I know deep down it wasn't right. I wasn't 'in love' with him at all, and it was that night that I realised it. But with our baby inside me I pushed the thought away.It was too late. I would have to make the best of it. But oh how I craved a love like Jack and Rose shared. Love making like the steamy car window scene...

Incidently this scene was rather uncomfortable in the company of my parents. You know how it is at family things when your all watching TV and someone's having sex? Dad coughs, mum keeps overly straight face whilst flushing a little, then somebody makes a comment in an attempt to break the tension. In this case My dad said "do they still serve ice creams in the interval?" 

The memory of this scene prompted me to stand strong and break up with Matt 3 years ago. As he stood on the doorstep begging to come back home, I levelled with him and said "It was never right between us, it should have been so much more. We both deserve to go out and find it." All with the picture of that hand slapped up against a steamy window in the forefront of my mind. It was the right thing to do. 

The other embarrassingly scene was the drawing scene.

I LOVED this scene! Kate made curves sexy. Being curvaceous myself, It brought about a new sense of appreciation of my own body. Having just came out of a phase of self concious paranoia, I started to feel good about the way I looked. I felt sexy and attractive. This scene also brought about an amusing memory I have with Matt.

Both being rather good at drawing, we decided to recreate this pose at home. I drew him, then he drew me. They were incredibly lifelike. We stored them rolled up in a cupboard down stairs in my parents house where we were living till a flat came up on the council list. 

A year or so later my aunts and uncles came round for Christmas. I will never forget entering the living room to find a shocked Aunt who had just unrolled the drawings. She had stumbled on them when mum asked her to have a look in the cupboard for a blown up photo of my new baby. After the initial shock and explanation, the whole family was in hysterics, The pictures were just so life like that it was as embarrassing as a naked photo being found!

It was that year that I brought my dad the soundtrack of Titanic for Christmas. He had been asking for it all year. He played it in the car whilst he drove me places. I loved it too, we talked about Titanic and the deeper themes running beneath the story line. When he died in March 2000, I played it and cried my heart out. This is our song: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtAPC3gwG_0

To me Titanic is about never letting go.

Its about making time count. Every second. If you watch it again, look out for the references to time, clocks, and hands. The film is full of them. Jack's philosophy of life was "Take life as it comes to you, to make each day count" 

Coincidently my life hit an iceberg at soon after this night at the movies. Metaphorically, the catastrophe played out in the final scenes of the ships sinking was adjacent to my own life over them next few years. Bill and Dad died. Mum has severe dementia. Matt and I are no longer together. 

But that night at the movies with my family taught me to grab life, hold it tight, cherish it, and hold on to the bitter end. To keep on playing like the band, to hold out my hands like the priest, giving all i have to offer. To carry on making every day count even when loved ones pass away. 

And when I am grey and old, I hope my life will play out like the final scenes. Pictures and signs of a life time of making time count all around me. At peace in the knowledge I have taken life by the reigns and made it worth while. I love how Rose drops 'the heart of the ocean' into the sea with a "whoops!" The significance here is that things that may be highly precious materially, actually count for nothing. To live life in search of materialistic wealth means we miss the true riches of life. 

Who knows if the last scene was a dream, or Rose dying. I think Cameron wanted it to be left open to interpretation. Its best that way. Either way if dying is anything like this scene, I'll be a happy bunny. 

Before I go, I just wanna say thank you to the 'kid in the front row' who suggested this post. As I mentioned previously, theres a few of us posting on the same topic today. I can't wait to read everybody else's. If you want to check them out, visit his blog:  http://kidinthefrontrow.blogspot.com/