Community

Those of you who know me well, will also know I have my fingers in many pies.

I didn't realised the importance of community spirit until I moved to a small town that local councils forgot. Its one minute from a London Borough, and on the very edge of an other.

Since I moved in (literally) I have got myself stuck well into local affairs. Its a run down, nothingy area. Kids and grown ups alike have nothing to do. Poverty is high, and morale is low.

My main pie is the Methodist Church up the road from me. Being a Christian played a part in this obviously, but I was also totally captivated by the drive and vision that the church members had to reach out into the local community. By outreach I am not talking about evangelicals walking the streets trying to get people into church. The motivation and objective behind their vision is to provide community facilities and services to improve the lives of the individuals living in the area. Their aim is to build a community centre on the grounds alongside the church. They want to do this in partnership with the local forum, a group made up of people from the local community. I also have a finger in this forum pie. This facility would dramatically change the lives of the local folk, they need it badly.

This past two weeks have been made even busier by these ventures, but they are a labour of love.

To me, community spirit is a hugely powerful thing. Something society today seems to have lost. On my estate there is a rising, a bubbling. Its only faint, but its there. And its growing. And when you see it its inspiring. The picture above was taken at our sponsored walk through a local country park. For me, this picture captured the essence of community spirit. Local twits had burnt a fallen tree. We helped each other climb over it. 'Each other' being people working in the local school, church folk, children, forum members, friends... After the walk we had organised a free BBQ for anyone and everyone, with free bouncy castles for the kids.

Free?!?!? weren't we trying to raise money not spend it? Indeed we was, but again, the best way to change lives is to demonstrate it. Community spirit is about everyone, looking out for everyone else. Sharing with each other, socialising with each other. Cutting down the divisions. Its hard to convey to people that this is not a church project, its an everyone project. But were getting there slowly. Feasibility studies have been done, as has an official survey been taken. Final plans are being drawn up to be submitted for planning permission. We have a professional fundraiser. Its all quite exciting :)

The reason for mentioning it here? well I guess its too much of a part of me not to mention!

I think a lot of it comes from the same place within me that wants to be a nurse.

Making lives better. Healing hurts. Saving lives.

And if this sounds all selfless and goody goody, do not be mistaken. A lot of this is very selfish! I get a real kick out of it, I love it. I feel alive when I see a positive difference being made to someone else's life. I get excited about the prospect of joining forces with others to make good stuff happen.

“Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.” Henry Ford

The perfectionist in me...

I hate perfectionists. No-body is ever perfect, and it can drive somebody insane to accept nothing less than perfect. What ever happened to good enough, excellent, or a good try? Perfectionists often get depressed, as everything falls short of their expectations. They never finish a project because they will always think of ways to improve it. They are false, and pretentious. When we aim too high, we end up with our heads stuck in the clouds. Perfectionists procrastinate because they are scared of imperfection.

I have perfectionism in me. Its one thing I really dislike about myself. I had forgotten all about it until I came on here to write a post. I was cross with myself, because the reason I haven't wrote anything in 2 weeks is because I haven't had the time to write a 'decent' post. A 'perfect' post you could say, although I am fully aware that none of my posts are perfect. It is the same with a lot of what I do. And whilst is it important not to settle for second best, best isn't always perfect. When I write an essay I read text book upon text book, and a vast array of nursing journals. I choose complicated scenarios, and avoid the obvious subject matters. I think around the subject, and print off pages and pages of what seems to be valuable research. All in a quest to write a perfect essay. But I noticed something last term, the more I tried to attain perfection, the worse my grades got. I passed everything, but some of the best work came early on in the course when I kept things in perspective.

On the wards I put my all into my nursing, but to be honest the days when I got the best feedback from the other nurses were the days I nursed from the heart. Those days felt good, and I looked good. I don't mean to say I looked attractive, but I radiated something that made the people around me feel better. The days I worried about doing everything perfectly, were also the days I was too preoccupied to interact well with my patients.

Of course certain things in nursing must be perfect. Take drug calculations for instance. There's no room for imperfection there, especially with children. And its no good doing skills less than accurately. Non maleficence (to do no harm) is the main ethical principle in nursing. And if less than perfection means harm of any degree then perfection it must be.

So I am therefore glad i got 20/20 in my nursing calculations exam. Ok its only level 1, but I really wanted perfection knowing the importance of accurate mathematical skills. On the wards you can use a calculator, but you never know when you might not have one and have a tricky dose to work out.

Imperfections of the past 2 weeks are vast, comprising of practically everything else. I have fallen short of doing my homework on time, I have said the wrong thing on several occasions, and have been close to falling asleep in several lectures.

I am not telling you to just get by in life, to only do what is needed. To aim to easily attainable standards. I'm certainly not perfect, and could be giving less than perfect advice. But I think you should always try and be the best you can be. You should always aim high. You should always put your heart and soul into the things you do. But you shouldn't do it to be perfect, or to do something perfectly. You will always fall short in the end, a lot of damage can be done on the way.

So here I am with my imperfect blog post and my imperfect life. My typos and hard to read sentences. My voice spoken at the wrong time, sometimes using the wrong words. But I have got something from it, have you?

Oliver

Oliver is almost 6. He's my baby, the youngest of four. He likes making things out of LEGO and KNEX. He can build the most complex of models in the instruction book for older children. He is happy and loving. He likes playing with cars, and his Nintendo DS.

When Oliver was 2 years old he suddenly stopped breathing. It probably only lasted about 30 seconds, but seeing the life drain from him in my arms was something a mother should never have to witness. It was like he just dropped dead. At first I thought he had just fainted, which was scary enough in itself. I tried to wake him by calling and rubbing his chest. I didn't feel any movement. He went blue before my eyes. Blue and lifeless. I ran outside with him screaming. I don't know why I did this. With sense finally kicking in, I started rubbing his chest vigorously. And just like that he suddenly came back to like with a gasp.

The diagnosis in A&E was Acute Life Threatening Episode

There was never any follow up as Oliver appeared to be fit and healthy. I was told it was just one of them things, and to monitor him at home. It was like living on a knifes edge, and I watched him like a hawk. Thankfully he has never stopped breathing again, although he has scared me a few times fainting.

I have always referred to Oliver as 'my little pickle'. Mischievous in a cute and bouncy way. Energetic, and sometimes challenging. There has always been something about Oliver, something not quite right. I have previously put this down to problems he has with his eyesight, and just being a little too 'jump first, think later'.

But today I had a meeting with his headteacher. After a long discussion, and some thought provoking questions, Oliver has been referred for some investigations and extra support. We are thinking along the lines of a mild autism. I can't quite believe I didn't realise before.

Autism and Asperger syndrome

Oliver is likes repetitive behaviour, and becomes distressed with changes in routine. He is obsessed by particular objects, and must take something with him every time he leaves the house. He is clumsy. He does not maintain eye contact, and I am forever trying to get him to look into my eyes to get his attention. He plays alone mostly. He does not imaginatively play. He often acts inappropriately completely innocently. He is slow to learn in school, but excels in model making, and mechanics.

Now we all might be completly wrong, the educational psycologist will be able to give us a better picture. As will the further investigaions into his hearing and speech.

On one hand I am relieved that someone else has seen my concerns and is doing something about it. I have previously asked for help from my G.P and health visitor to no avail. This sort of referal with get results, and Oliver will be given the support he needs.

On the other hand I feel really sad..... And then guilty for feeling so sad. I see parents left right and centre dealing with far worse things, their children being diagnosed with cancer for instance. Oliver's problems are mild, and I have no doubt that with the right support he will thrive and develop well.

I am a great believer that you should never allow an illness or a condition define you, so that will be my aim in being Oliver's mother.

Oliver loves dancing. He thinks Spiderman is the coolest. He has a really cute singing voice. He has a cute little button nose which I kiss at least once a day...

Get your jeans on..

October 2nd 2009 :)

Week 2 :)

And so another week has passed, and we have now completed half of our module on child development. I made 4 of of the other girls pose for a picture with me under the university sign to celebrate this occasion. We had just had lunch in Nandos, and was off for the last lecture of the day. We are now half way through our Child Development module, and I passed my BLS (Basic Life Support) exam. University life is good. So far...

No longer a London virgin, I travel with ease on the underground. I swipe my oyster whilst chewing gum, texting, and listening to music. I half snooze on the train whilst instinctively knowing when my stop is. Its becoming second nature now, and it no longer worries or excites me.

As for the lectures, I am liking them. They are in big rooms set out like theatres/cinemas. Unfortunately we cant take food in, popcorn would have seemed applicable! I have to admit to struggling to keep awake on 2 occasions. On the whole everything has been fascinating. Smiley Stuart, the leader of this unit is very nice. He has two kids of his own, and is especially interested in Neurological stuff. As with all the lecturers this year, they all have a passion for children's nursing which is really encouraging to see.

As for me, I am very tired and very weary. I am really looking forward to laying in tomorrow. I'm going to spend some quality time with Rob and the kids. We are going to a friends babies 1st birthday party tomorrow, which I am really looking forward too. As nice as the uni girls are, I can't wait to catch up with my friends. It seems like it has been ages!

Jessica is my gorgeous daughter, she's 7. She fascinates me. I love playing with her hair, and i love it when she plays with mine back. She still sucks her thumb, I think she always will secretly. She loves dancing and music, and she is very very artistic. She is always writing me letters, and drawing me pictures to tell me how she thinks I am the best mum in the world. She is adventurous, and gutsy. She loves being a beaver scout, and has driven a 4x4. She can strop for England, and can be very volatile. But I wouldn't change that for the world, her passion and expression is something i treasure. She is inspiring.

As much as I love training to be a nurse, I also miss my children. Its a struggle juggling family life with working and studying. But I must have done something right because they tell everyone how proud they are of their mum. They don't complain about me going off all day, they go to the childminders with a smile and a wave. I'm welcomed home with huge cuddles, and kisses. We all sit and do our homework together.

I am so blessed...

More about my week tomorrow

Study skills

Felt the need for a happy post tonight. Also felt the need to assure you that I am OK, and feeling very positive about life. This week starts a two week unit at uni on child development. I am in at 9am everyday, which means I gotta get up at 6am. This I am not at all pleased about. I am not a morning person. I often find it hard to sleep of a night time, but mornings I have no trouble at all.

But on the bright side we are finally getting down to some proper learning. Its a subject I'm fascinated with. I love getting my teeth stuck into something I know I can get a lot from! We will be doing an 2000 word essay based on a real patient from our next placement. I think after all that reading of old diary's I would love to focus mine on an adolescent. This is a first for me as my first reaction would always be to pick a young child to study, as its in my comfort zone. I fancy a challenge :)

And so Its back to studying hard, and getting my nose stuck in a load of text books (Something I secretly enjoy) If you have read my first few blog posts you will remember my office under the stairs. Well this evolved as I got cabin fever as well as too many books and nursing magazines. My husband (still can't get used to calling him that) came to the rescue again. One Saturday in the spring I went out for the day, and came back to find he had converted half of our shed into an office. This new improved study area is complete with electric, lighting, heating, a massive desk, and space for my ever growing book collection and more.

When I came home he showed me proudly and said "I've even put your two Robbie's down here to keep you company." This was referring too the photo of him (I call him Robbie) and a signed photo of Robbie Keane playing for Spurs. He had found tucked under my bed... thought that little crush was my best kept secret! It was sweet though, especially since Rob supports West Ham.

So what do I think are good study skills? I guess the most important thing is to work out what is best for you. Being quite a creative person, my study style is a bit unusual. I like different coloured pens, and draw out a lot of stuff to illustrate it in my mind. I make up songs with key facts (I am one of these people who pick up lyrics really quickly, unfortunately I can't sing so this is the best way to put to use this skill) I turn complicated facts into silly things in my head. I act what I have learnt out in my head. For instance, my last exam on basic life support was revised by imagining situations in which I would save the day. This also appeals to my love of daydreaming. At the exam I just acted out the dream, and little Lucy lived :)

Another important tip is to stay awake during lectures. And on that note I am going to get myself tucked up in bed for a good dream, another early start for me.